Tips for Training Children on Etiquette

"The customary code of polite behaviour in a society" -- this is the lexical meaning of Etiquette. Today, we are living in a world dominated by modern gadgets and distracting influences. These are taking precedence over everything else in the world of children and teenagers. For instance - cuss words are being so rampantly used in schools that it has become the norm. The language used in texting messages on mobile will do more harm to children than good. Bad manners and habits are as contagious as good ones. One important parental responsibility is to impart etiquette training to children. This will help in moulding their personalities so that they grow up to be good human beings. Training and Workshops  There are coaching classes being conducted for training children on etiquette. More importantly, the line between training for etiquette and training for personality development is blurred. So, all the training sessions on personality development will invariably have a specific module devoted to etiquette. But I am still not sure if all the summer camps devote some time for something as important as personality development. Outbound training programs do impart certain skills to children but seldom is there any specific focus on manners / etiquette. I recall there used to be an etiquette training centre called Orchid in Mumbai but this was mostly directed at training teenagers and adults. A decade ago, such workshops may not have been necessary for children. But today, technological innovations have overtaken us so much that they can have adverse influence on growing children - especially chats, Internet sites, facebook; YouTube etc. It is also an enormous challenge to censure children on such matters due to the impact of peer pressure. Learning begins at Home Needless to add, parents need to exhibit the etiquette themselves in order to influence the children. There are certain things that can be taught at home. As children spend the maximum time in school, the environment in the school also plays a greater role. However, it is better to engage children and teach them certain simple rules once they cross 8 or 9 years of age. Let me ask these sample questions to all of you.  * Have you taught your children how to receive guests at home?  * Do children know what questions to ask when a guest arrives at the door?  * Are children trained to offer a glass of water to the guest?  * Do your children know how to answer a telephone call in your absence?  * Do your children know how to behave when you visit a friend's place?  * What about educating your child on table manners?  Give me more!  Mrs Sankari Krishnamurthy recalls with embarrassment the initial years with one of her granddaughters. All of 7 years, her granddaughter used to insist on 2 or 3 servings of sweets during weddings and end up wasting all of them. "She was so adamant in having her plate full even though she knew she would not be able to eat them". Sham Kulkarni, all of 7 years, was celebrating his birthday. Even as the party was going on, Sham's mother ManabI was embarrassed to see her son tearing open the envelopes gifted to him in the presence of guests much to the consternation of all. Chetana Mohan says, "My daughter Renee had this habit of asking for dolls from other children whenever we visited our friends. Though we had purchased many dolls for her, Renee would insist on having the one the other child had. This would put us in a tight spot and our hosts would also be embarrassed". Then we had the case of Ramprasad Iyer who created a ruckus during his thread ceremony. In full view of the guests who had assembled for the ceremony, Ramprasad, all of 9 years, was seen accepting cash with glee and putting it in a bag that he had brought with him. Parents as Role Models Child psychologist Geeta Mohandas maintains that parents have a tremendous influence on growing children." The atmosphere in schools and peer pressure does enable children to pick up cuss words or swear words quickly. However, I have always discovered that if a child is using foul language, then invariably one of the parents is to blame. It is possible that the parent may be using it as part of an ordinary conversation and at most times, inadvertently. But children, being the quick learners that they are, take to such words like fish to water." Thus, discretion is the better part of valour and it is worthwhile for parents to ensure decent language while communicating to others in front of children. Corroding Influence on Morality Akshaya Paranjpe, one of the school teachers, recalls the horror when she had accompanied high school children on a 3-day school camp in Lonavala, near Pune. "Some of the girls wore dresses that were bound to get all the wrong attention from the opposite sex. Mind you, these were female students in Class IX who wore miniskirts and sleeveless blouses/ tops." Akshaya along with other teachers had a tough time keeping a hawk eye on the girls. No wonder the school discontinued with the practice of school camps altogether. Of course, this experience and the behaviours strictly do not fall within the purview of "Etiquette" but nevertheless it deserves a mention in this article.   Conclusion Parents should strike a balance between being tough with children and giving them a free hand. As with leaders in organisations, the parents have to change their style depending on the situation at hand. If we are going to forever molly coddle our children and do not have any intention to educate them to differentiate between "right" and "wrong" then this will spell trouble. As parents we can be forgiving of our children's misdemeanours. However, the external world is ruthless. In the end, any behaviour that is inconsistent with societal norms will be attributed to the upbringing of the children. So, let us train our children about the right behaviours and contribute to the shaping of their all-round personality in a constructive fashion.